Hey We Made It...

I still haven’t actually seen most of the Flyers game. It’s stored on my DVR, but I haven’t quite gotten around to actually sitting down and watching it. That explains the lack of a recap. I really just prefer to pretend like it didn’t happen. The part that I did catch led to a heated Easter-dinner-buffet-line conversation with my brother about the difference between being a bunch of worthless goons and playing tough hockey. He actually dared to defend Chris Pronger. I was aghast.

Anyway, the real event on Sunday was the fact that the Wings managed to clinch their 19th straight playoff berth thanks to Calgary losing. I was out in the backyard playing with my little cousins when I got the score update on my phone and everyone was pretty confused when I broke out into a happy dance right in the middle of the chaos. I did, however, find it ironic that a couple of weeks ago we were making fun of Washington for clinching the conference by losing and waiting for another team to do their dirty work for them. The Wings are home free now and I could not care less about seeding and first round matchups. There are definitely teams that worry me out there, but truth be told, all of the teams worry me. I never think about teams I want the Wings to face because I live in fear of some sort of be-careful-what-you-wish-for comeuppance.

The bottom line is that we made it. The Wings are in the playoffs, and, to the best of my knowledge, all of the 19 survived. And just a note of warning to friends, family, co-workers, and roommates: if you thought I’ve been obnoxious and insane for the last six months, just wait until the puck drops on the first round.

Wings vs. Ducks GP...

Wings vs. Ducks @7 PM

1. Chris PYG may have departed from the formerly mighty Ducks, but there’re still plenty of goons to hate. So who’s going to make me want to throw things at the TV tonight? Perry? Getzlaf? Niedermayer? Someone’s bound to throw an elbow or two. I’d also steer clear of the press box if Bob Murray is in attendance, or at least make sure the seats are bolted down. Anaheim’s classiness doesn’t stop on the ice, sunshines.
2. I’m getting really tired of asking this question every day, but which Red Wings team is going to show up tonight? The one that absolutely walked all over Columbus or the one that had to rely on Jimmy Howard of all people to keep them in the game against the Canucks? I swear this team is schizophrenic.
3. Saturday’s aren’t always kind to us Wings fans. Will the boys put on a better show than they did last weekend?
4. There’s going to be a ceremony to honor Nick Lidstrom for his 1,000th point before the game tonight, so how long is it going to take the Wings to get their heads in the game? In addition to having a case of schizophrenia, I think this team has the attention span of a 3-year-old.
5. I’ve been assigned to live blog an event of my choosing for one of my classes. Since it was obviously a no-brainer to choose a Wings game, two of my classmates and I will be setting up shop at a bar tonight to run an event using Cover it Live. Yes, you read that correctly: I’m going to be doing homework on my laptop in a bar on Saturday night. I feel like it’s gong to be the ultimate college experience. How many strange looks will our little trio get? How many times are we going to be informed that we’re the ultimate nerds? It should be a rollicking good time, so feel free to join us.

First Taste of the Pre-Season...

The Wings opened the pre-season tonight with a 3-1 win over the Flyers. It wasn't televised, and 97.1 wasn't broadcasting it online, so I ended up listening to the Philly radio broadcast instead. It wasn't quite like watching it on TV, but it was glorious to hear some real, live Wings hockey being broadcast.

Based on the play-by-play, it seemed like Ericsson, Draper, Abdelkader, Datsyuk, Kindl, and Delmore were the only Wings on the ice. I can't remember hearing anyone else's name called. It's also possible that they're the only players that the anouncers knew. It's a workable theory. They had a nice chuckle when Larsson took over in net because they didn't know who he was.

They also laid into Delmore quite a bit. At one point, one of them said, "Boy, Andy Delmore is doing everything he can to make sure the Flyers get on the scoresheet again. I played with this guy for a year, no wonder I'm not in the league anymore." Ouch. From what I heard though, it sounded like Delmore was making turnovers like there was no tomorrow.

Other random notes:

• Draper sounded like he had a good game. He scored the tying goal in the second period and seemed to have some good shifts.
• There was a fight. Listening to it on the radio was really lame. I could tell that the crowd loved it, though.
  
• The Flyers announcers seemed astounded at the number of penalties their team took. I'm not really sure why this was surprising to them because a) they were the most penalized team in the league last year, and b) they acquired Chris Pronger over the summer. Get used to it, gents. It's bound to be a recurring theme.
• The Wings' powerplay did not have a spectacular night.
• On the other hand, they managed to not allow any goals on the penalty kill, so that's a start.
• I could tell when PYG touched the puck without the announcers even saying it because the crowd booed him every time. It's comforting to know that even though he's tucked away in the Eastern Conference now, fans can still bring the hate.

Hockey's back, sunshines, and I couldn't be happier! I'm pretty sure that everyone around me thinks I'm crazy for getting this excited about a meaningless pre-season game, but I'm okay with their judgments.

Random Things to Brighten Your Day...

Okay sunshines, I’m phoning this one in. I’ve already turned my focus to deciding what to eat for my birthday lunch in Mexicantown tomorrow, but I wanted to post these links. And yes, that decision may very well take me twelve hours. There are too many things that I love to pick just one.

First off, if you read nothing else today, read this post from Snapshots. It may not make you happy, but it’s guaranteed to make you feel better. Plus, the notion of the “all-reject free agent team” made me laugh.

Speaking of things that made me laugh, I recently discovered this gem from When Cameron Was in Egypt’s Land. I’m not sure how I missed it before, but I think I’m a little better for having read it now. I tried to think what my fantasy game would include, and I’m pretty sure it would play out just as Cameron envisioned. Highlights: In the first period,

“Then Roy tries to statue-of-liberty it and Yzerman slaps him as Shanahan pokes it in.”

I think I snickered for five minutes when I read this. There isn’t a person in the world whose life wouldn’t be improved by seeing Steve Yzerman slap Patrick Roy. Not a single one, including Roy himself. In the third period,

“Scott Stevens and Pronger try to cheap shot Yzerman collectively, miss him on the boards, and tear their ACLs.”

No fantasy game could be complete without a reenactment of one of my favorite moments of irony/karma. Finally,

“Zetterberg and Franzen put their beards together like the WonderTwins and form the Beard of Justice. It engulfs Jordin Tootoo and rids him of this world. The crowd goes crazy. Don't Stop Believin' starts playing and the PA cuts the volume for "Born in South Detroit." Game ends. Red Wings win 1919-0. Kenny Holland hands Yzerman the Cup, which has recently been re-engraved to award the Red Wings with every championship back to 1893.”

And afterward,

“I'm picked to go down into the locker room and meet all the players. Yzerman invites me out to dinner. Datsyuk's cell phone rings. Shanahan holds the Cup for me as I drink cold Blue Moon from it. The players say what the hell and have the white-glove guy engrave my name on Lord Stanley too. Right next to Stevie's.”

This kind of brilliance only comes around once in an off-season. So read it and enjoy, because if that fantasy doesn't bring joy to your life, you're probably not a real Wings fan.

Christy Hammond also posted her five reasons for loving hockey over at Winging it in Motown. This will improve your life as well. There isn't a single bad reason to like hockey, and I love that everyone has their own set of aspects of the game that drew them in.

And finally, the next time someone asks you to explain why Wings fans are the best in the world, just show them this video. We are Hockeytown.

Thinking Happy Thoughts...

OK, it’s official. I really thought the Wings were done with signings after the Jason Williams deal, but the rumblings have been around for a couple of days now so I’m not all that surprised. It’s no secret that I’m not a big Bertuzzi fan. (And for the record, I hated him long before the Steve Moore incident. I can’t pinpoint it exactly, but I’m pretty sure that dates back to the 2002 playoffs.) I’m having a hard time getting behind Kenny on this one, but I'm going to try really hard to talk myself into liking it. So here we go…

Aside from my general dislike for Bertuzzi, my biggest issue is his injury problem. (The Wings already got hit with the injury bug at the worst possible time last season so maybe the Hockey Gods will grant them all a reprieve.) And the fact that he’s washed up. (So was Dan Cleary when he first showed up. Plus, that was one of the things that I liked about the Eaves deal. Even though Eaves is young, hasn’t peaked yet, and has never made me angry in the past. No, no, no, I’m going to stay positive here.) And takes too many stupid penalties (Exhibits '08 and '09.) Then there’s the fact that he’s kind of a defensive liability/slacker who, according to The Triple Deke, never managed to endear himself to fans in Anaheim or Calgary. (Seriously? Fans of the team that until recently employed Chris Pronger and his elbows never warmed to Bertuzzi? And we’re supposed to like him? No, there’s really no way I can put a positive spin on that one.) Then there’s the question of what his addition does to the lineup. Who gets benched? What happens to Helm’s ice time? Am I really going to be subjected to seeing Williams and Bertuzzi playing on he third line together? (Objectively speaking, having guys battle for ice time might not be the worst thing in the world. Maybe it’ll keep them from sleepwalking through a lot of the regular season like they did last year. Every player on the team has something to prove this season, and maybe fighting for their ice time every night will make them better.)

Plus, back in July, I was thinking to myself, “Now that Sammy’s gone, who am I going to complain about? And mock?” Well apparently Kenny Holland was listening because he went out and signed me not one, but two, potential definite replacements. So maybe it’s not such a bad thing. I kind of believe that every group needs one person to hate on. It’s a community building thing. I’ve seen it work time and time again in various roommate and work situations over the years. Disliking that one person gives us something in common and helps us bond. Someone has to be the go-to punchline. (Tonight I was playing a game, and we each had to write down something that was useless. I wrote ‘Todd Bertuzzi.’ Everyone laughed when it was read aloud, so see, he’s already serving an important purpose in my life.)

While I’m still not sold on this deal, between the posts at Abel to Yzerman and Babcock’s Death Stare and forcing myself to think happy thoughts, I’ve realized that it’s not the end of the world. I kind of wish I hadn’t burned all of my stuff out on the front lawn when I heard the news. I kid, but you get the idea. I’m definitely not happy, but if you stretch, there are positives. Who knows, maybe this time next year, we’ll all be writing about Holland’s brilliance and nominating him for governor.

Preseason Scheduling and More of Jiri's Saga...

The Wings announced their exhibition schedule yesterday. This is exciting if for no other reason than that it gives us hockey fans a “light at the end of the tunnel” that we can look forward to. The real schedule is supposed to drop on the 15th or 16th, which is nice because it will give my friends and family plenty of advance notice for the 82 dates/times between October and April during which they should not attempt to contact me.

The Wings begin the preseason on September 16th when fan-favorite Chris Pronger and his elbows the Flyers come to the Joe. The Wings will also face the Rangers, the Sabres, the Leafs, and the Penguins before heading over to Sweden and playing Farjestads. Then they’ll kick off the real season with back-to-back games in Stockholm, which should be fantastically fun to watch.

The saga of Jiri Hudler continued today as the NHL filed some sort of complaint with the IIHF because they consider Hudler to be under contract with the Wings. Apparently filing for arbitration was an indication of his intent to play in the NHL next year. I find this all very ironic because it seems like not too long ago the KHL was complaining about NHL teams poaching players. My problem is that even if the IIHF were to rule in the NHL’s favor, would the Wings even want a disgruntled Hudler who felt like he got screwed by being forced to play for half of the money? I’m not sure I would.

The Examiner had a pretty good analysis of how the Wings can adjust for losing Hudler. I actually kind of like the idea of using Meech as a full-time forward. Especially if Lilja is able to play. The Wings don’t really need Meech back on the blue line, and he did a decent job at forward when he played there last season. I also like the fact that it would leave them with a little bit of cap room to play with at the trade deadline. If nothing else, it would give Kenny Holland a little while to adequately assess what the team needs instead of tying his hands now.

None of the options presented in the article are particularly spectacular, but thanks to the ever-lovely salary cap, there aren't a whole lot of options out there. All I can do is sit back and put on my "In Ken We Trust" t-shirt and know that he'll figure something out. (OK, I don't actually have a shirt like that, but you have to admit that it'd be pretty awesome if I did.)

Odds and Ends...

I have a couple of odds and ends that I haven’t had a chance to mention yet, so here they are presented in glorious bullet form:

--The Philadelphia Flyers just gave Chris Pronger a seven-year contract. I literally laughed out loud when I read this news. Especially in light of that whole “35 and up” thing in the CBA. It’s almost depressing to see all of these other teams throwing dollars around foolishly while the always-brilliant Kenny Holland is handcuffed by the salary cap and can’t even make a mediocre deal.
--The Handshake Incident really won’t go away. I have a sneaky suspicion that my grandchildren are going to be hearing about this. First there was an interview with Kris Draper posted on Snapshots that dealt with it, and now it popped up again today over at THN. Seriously. Move on people. There’s plenty of stuff going on in the world of hockey that we don’t need to keep talking about this. And if there isn’t anything the hockey world that can hold your interest, there are plenty of other things going on in the real world that could occupy your time.
--There was a really nice article about Vladdie posted on the Wings website. I had never heard the story of how he defected from Russia before. It blows my mind to think of the risk that he and other Russians (like Sergei Fedorov and Alexander Mogilny) took to come here to play. Also, all these years later, it still brings a tear to my eye to see Vladdie. I only really got to see him play for a couple of years, but I still remember sitting on the couch in my family room watching news coverage of the crash as a 10-year-old.
--I stumbled across these icons (or avatars) in an NHL icons community on LiveJournal (don’t judge me). They’re pretty awesome even though only one is really related to the Wings. Please do check out both links, as anyone familiar with the NHL should get a chuckle or two out of them.
--I walked into a hardware store in Ann Arbor the other day, and the owner had hung a copy of the Kronwalled poster behind the counter. It made me smile.
--One of my professors announced that she’s from Pittsburgh and went on to talk about how it’s the City of Champions and the Penguins won. This was just another in a long string of FML moments that I’ve been enduring lately.

Quoteless Joe and The Turtle...

In all the drama surrounding Jiri Hudler yesterday, I didn’t get a chance to mention a couple of noteworthy retirements. Former Wings rivals Joe Sakic and Claude Lemieux both announced that they are calling it quits (Lemieux for the second time). While I realize that it’s long dead, I came of age as a Wings fan during the heat of the rivalry, and there is a part of me that will always hate the Avs. Also, the title I chose for this post sounds vaguely like one of Aesop's Fables...

I can honestly say that the one Avs player who I never quite grew to hate was Joe Sakic. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I wanted him to score against the Wings, but it never seemed to make me as angry as it did when other Avs found the back of the net. In their analyses, a lot of other fans are suggesting that part of the reason we never hated Sakic was because of his similarities to Steve Yzerman (mostly that they were both long-time captains who wore #19), but I never cared about that. I always had a grudging respect for him that prevented me from achieving the level of hatred that I had for the rest of the Avs. There was something about him that always struck me as classy. Even back then when I was a little kid. I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t have a few laughs at his expense after the Snowblower Incident last year, but I kind of did feel bad for the guy. I’m not going to write up some big career eulogy comparing his numbers to those of The Captain because, frankly, we all know which player I would choose. Sakic’s a nice guy and all, but I’m a Wings fan, and with that come some insurmountable biases. Namely the belief that Steve Yzerman is as close to a deity as I will ever see don hockey skates. But that being said, for someone like me who spent the better part of my formative years despising the Colorado Avalanche, it says a lot about Sakic that I always respected him and am a little sad to see him hang up the skates for good. And there’s really no higher compliment that I could give him. Except maybe for calling him a near-deity in hockey skates…

On the other side of my hatred scale is the other notable former Av who announced his retirement. Claude Lemieux. It’s been thirteen years since that fateful day when he rearranged Kris Draper’s face with what was one of the nastiest checks I’ve ever seen, but simply hearing his name is still enough to make me groan in disgust. I do have to give him credit for one thing: he taught me how to hate. There was literally no one in the world that I despised as much as Lemieux back in the day. Actually that hasn’t changed at all in the intervening years. He remains the most celebrated cheap-shot artist in recent memory (although to be fair, Chris Pronger’s giving him a run for his money), but even worse, he had this terrible knack for coming up big against the Wings. It was like he would lie low until the Wings came into town and then find a way to elevate his game three notches and drive me absolutely batty. Some might say that this is a compliment to his abilities, but they couldn’t be more wrong. Puck Daddy had a big post celebrating his career today. It was the most distasteful thing I’ve read on a hockey blog this side of that Pens Blog post making fun of Vladdie. That famous picture of Darren McCarty absolutely destroying Lemieux while he huddled into a turtle position is tied for my favorite hockey image of all time. There’s a reason that it’s hanging on my bedroom wall. One of my saddest days was when I lost the Free Press comic that featured Lemieux’s head Photoshopped onto the body of a turtle. It was stuck in my mirror for years before it finally disappeared.

When Claude popped back up in San Jose this year, I was a little upset. At that point, it looked like the Sharks were going to be the biggest obstacle to the Wings repeating as champs. The thought of Lemieux having a hand in that once again was far too distasteful for me to accurately put into words. Oh how silly and naïve those thoughts seem now as I look back in retrospect. There are some guys for whom I would feel bad if their final season ended up with a massive first round upset. Claude Lemieux is so far from making that list that he couldn’t even read it with a telescope.

Now I leave you with this little beauty. Because, really, is there any other way I could end this post?

Good Riddance and Other Inanity...

In my attempt to sound all smart and savvy about the draft, I neglected to mention perhaps my favorite news of the weekend. It seems that Chris Pronger.You.Goon is no longer a member of the Anaheim Ducks. It's about time that waste of brain cells went to the Eastern Conference. He and his elbows have been a plague on the West for far too long. (Something I've always wondered: When he flies, do they make him pay an extra carry-on fee for his elbows?) I'd be lying if I said I didn't do a little happy dance when I heard the news. Granted, his legacy will still live on with the Ducks, as he's evidently rubbed off on his captain and GM (among others), but having him in the East means at least five fewer games every season which I'll have to spend screaming things like, "Look out, Pav!" and, "Nooooo, not Z!" It's to the point that I find myself ducking as I sat on my couch as though somehow one of his elbows could fly through my TV screen and nail me in the head. (Sorry, but I just had an incredibly traumatizing image of PYG crawling out of my TV like the girl from The Ring and I'm not sure that I can ever get that mental picture out of my head.) Much to my surprise, it turns out that there are people out there who actually like PYG. According to the writer, Proger's just a nice guy who's universally misunderstood. This quote literally made me laugh out loud:

At first blush, he can definitely come across as arrogant and prickly, but upon getting to know him, Pronger is unmasked as an extremely intelligent, articulate, candid and fun person to be around.

Seriously? For real? How am I supposed to take this "journalist" seriously when he writes things like that. It turns out that Mischa Barton really was the brains of the OC. I'm also quite fond of this little quote:

Despite having suffered a separated right shoulder, missing a portion of the game and needing multiple injections to get back into the clinching 6-2 victory over the Ottawa Senators, Pronger repeatedly raised the Cup for Ducks staff, family members and who knows who else to drink from during the boisterous locker-room celebration.

So I'm supposed to believe that PYG's a really nice guy based on the fact that he got drunk and hoisted the Cup for his friends and family after his team won? I'd venture a guess to say that *even if* he was a complete and utter douchebag, he probably would've done the same thing. It's just a hypothetical, though.

And then there's this picture. If that doesn't say it all, I don't know what does. This made me laugh even harder than the news article did. It's about time the forwards in the East found themselves in his elbow targeting radar.



Also of note is the fact that the Wings won't be bringing back Ty Conklin next year. Instead we'll be left with Jimmy Howard as Ozzie's backup. Hockey Gods forbid Ozzie goes down with an injury. I've never quite understood the organization's attachment to Howard, but I guess we'll wait and see what happens. Of all of the summers since the lockout, this is the one in which the salary cap has frustrated me the most. Anyway, 10 bucks says Conks ends up signing with Boston or Philly just so he can play in the Winter Classic.

On Karma and the Hockey Gods...

I've been in a pretty good mood all day. This is making it hard for me to find reasons to hate Chicago. In all honestly, I like the city a lot. I even have plans to go there next month. This visit will be all that much sweeter if I can walk around, draped in Wings gear, gloating.

Also, as much fun as it was to watch, it's almost a relief to see Gary Bettman's 2-week-long ecstasy of a Caps/Pens series over. It's too bad the Pens and his Little Buddy had to pull it out, but I'm not all that broken up over it. Quite frankly, I'm amazed that Bettman found time away from daydreaming about his pet being that much closer to the Cup to attend the Wings Game 7.

I've been a little too stressed/busy today to do any hard-core Hawks digging, so I'll instead offer another rehash of my general sentiments surrounding the Anaheim series. Spoiler alert: I despise all things Duck related.

The Mighty Ducks movies were some of my most defining childhood memories. I can't even count the number of times my brother and I have reenacted the "The Goalieeeeeee!" scene from D2. I was pretty sure that I was going to marry Charlie Conway. So I always thought it was neat that the Mighty Ducks franchise was out there in the NHL. (Coincidentally, Anaheim is also home to the Angels, the subject of another of my favorite childhood movies. I can't say I have anything particular against the MLB Angels, though.) Until they became a bunch of thugs, that is. Gordon Bombay would not approve. This only makes me hate the Ducks more. Nobody stomps all over my fondest childhood memories and gets away with it.

There's been a little bit of whining on the Ducks' part today, mostly about the winning goal. All I can say is, "Karma!" Even in my most miserable, furious, throwing-dog-toys-at-the-floor moments, I had faith in the Hockey Gods. Because, you see, at the end of the day, hockey is the single greatest team sport ever invented. And, by its very nature, it must have benevolent and just Gods ruling over it. And there was no way that those Hockey Gods could let a travesty like the Goal That Wasn't go unanswered. I actually enjoy the fact that the series-winning goal was controversial. I hope that PYG and the rest of the Ducks goon-squad spend the whole summer replaying it over, and over, and over in their minds, searching for some angle, some argument, some way to overrule that goal. I hope it's seared into their memories the way the Goal That Wasn't or Captain Elbows McGee's attack on Datsyuk will stay with the Wings.

The Wings simply could not be defeated by this disgusting, one-line of a team. It would have gone against all that is fair and good in the world. I'm not sure I could've stomached a handshake line watching their smug little faces again. And they would've looked smug. You don't get away with as much as they did and not look smug at the end.

Speaking of the handshake line, it seems that while that was going on on the ice, the Ducks GM decided to go all WWA and beat a woman with a bar stool in the press box. When I first read this, I didn't believe it. I thought it was made up. But it turns out it wasn't. I guess class really does start at the top and works its way down to the ice surface. I can just imagine it in the same vein of Captain Elbows' quick peek to see if the referees were looking before elbowing Datsyuk at the end of Game 6. I picture Bob Murray looking around to make sure nobody was watching, before picking up the stool and cross-checking this woman. I guess we know where PYG and his Captain learned their moves.

On the other hand, it was nice to see that the Blackhawks fans had faith that the Wings would pull out a victory in the second round. Their chanting of "Detroit sucks!" at the end of their Game 6 was pretty classy. Now they've got what they wished for, and I hope to the Hockey Gods that they regret it.

For some reason Patrick Kane chose now to admit that while he was living in the Metro area, being sheltered by Pat Verbeek, no less, he hated the Wings. It seems that he was a Sabres fan. Oh, poor, naive, young Patrick, with your sad lack of a playoff beard, did no one tell you that those are the kinds of things that you keep to yourself? The Wings are not the kind of guys you want to tick off. Not in the, "You make Pronger angry! Pronger smash with elbows!" sense, but in the, "Oh gee, was that another powerplay goal?" sense.

Chicago scares me a lot less than Anaheim did. I know I was rooting for the Ducks to knock out San Jose in the first round, just so the Wings wouldn't have to go through them, but that series was all I could handle. If nothing else, at least I won't have to live every game in fear that one of the Wings will have his head taken off by a PYG elbow.

Loveable Losers? I Think Not...

Looking back at my previous post, I feel like I did a bit too much whining. While I still feel like most of my complaints were justified, they weren't the reason the Wings lost. I do stand by my belief that the Ducks are the dirtiest team in hockey. After watching the replay of the mess at the end on Sportscenter today, I was even more incensed. I didn't get a particularly good look at it as it was happening last night because I was too busy throwing up in my mouth at the thought of Game 7. Sometimes I think that the Ducks have a team money pot where whoever lands the best elbow during the game gets to take home the cash prize. I can't say I was particularly surprised though. What else would you expect from a team that places Chris Pronger.You.Goon in a leadership role?

The fact of the matter is that Anaheim simply wanted it more last night. They came out and played their game, and the Wings sat back and couldn't be bothered to show up. I think at one point I saw an Ikea catalog being passed around on the bench. This is the most frustrating aspect of being a Wings fan. This is a team that has had a legitimate chance to win the Stanley Cup every single year for as long as I can remember. What always seems to do them in is straight-up lack of desire. And that's the one thing that I can't stand. You can't even say, "Oh well, they tried hard, but the other team was just better." It's always, "For cryin' out loud! They're ten times the team XXX is, but their heads were too far up in the clouds to bother winning." It's not that I expect the team to win every year, but it would be nice if they at least showed some effort in their losses. As I write this, it sounds like all hope is lost. I realize that there's still Game 7. However, if the Wings had just showed up for all of the games, they wouldn't even be in this position with their backs against the wall.

Also, Datsyuk needs to pass more. I literally never thought I'd say this. I used to spend Wings games yelling, "Shoot the puck!" at him on TV. Unfortunately, last night, despite the brilliance of his stick-handling, he was doing neither. He would take the puck into the zone and skate in circles, beat every Duck twice (except for Hiller), and then mishandle it and accomplish absolutely nothing. If the game had been a blowout for the Wings, I would've been all for that, but it's really not an effective way to score goals.

That's all I have for now. I'm going to go devote the rest of my day to pleading with the Hockey Gods to get Pav on the scoresheet. This is unfortunate because I have loads of work to do for school the next two days. And we all know that it's flat-out not going to get done.

In Which I Show Some Love, and Some Hate...

In lieu of reporting any actual news, I've decided to put a little more of myself out there.

For starters, my hockey fandom began one day during the 1995 Stanley Cup Finals. I was 9. My dad had been closely following the Wings playoff run, but for some reason that probably made sense to my little mind, I had refused to join him in watching the games. You might chalk that up to me being a girl, but I always sat and watched Tigers games, and I'm told that I even enjoyed the Lions at one (very sad) point in my life. Finally, my dad sat me down on the couch and told me that I HAD to watch one whole game with him. After that, if I didn't like it, I never had to watch another game in my life. On the other hand, if I did like it, I'd probably be thanking him for a long time. I made the deal with him, and over the course of those 60 minutes, I fell in love. I didn't know a thing about what I was watching, but it amazed me. And from that day on, I was hooked. The Wings went on to lose that series, but it didn't matter to me. It was the beginning of the single greatest defining obsession in my life. There are moments (like when I have fits because real-life commitments prevent me from watching games) when I'm sure my dad regrets that fateful day, but most of the time I think he's secretly glad that he raised a daughter who he can intelligently talk sports with and not some prissy little princess.

Anyway, back to the present. My current player obsession centers around Henrik Zetterberg and Pavel Datsyuk. (While I'm on the subject, I'm beyond thrilled to see them reunited. I had only been yelling that suggestion at my TV for three games before it finally happened.) They have exactly the kind of puck movement that first dazzled me in the days of the Russian Five. Coincidentally, they also account for the name of my blog. "Snipe Snipe" would be Zetterberg (If you don't know where this came from, you're probably not a die-hard enough fan to be reading hockey blogs.), and Datsyuk is Mr. Dangle Dangle himself. I actually wanted to put the Dangle before the Snipe because, theoretically, dangling would precede sniping (and also because Datsyuk makes me laugh nearly every time he speaks), but the cadence of "Dangle Dangle, Snipe Snipe" reminded me too much of the "Veggie Veggie, Fruit Fruit" song from that old Disney World show. It's also important to note that in moments of weakness I may refer to Zetterberg as "Hockey Boyfriend." I mean this in the least Puck-Bunnyish way possible, of course. I've always said that one of the benefits of being a female sports fan is getting to admire the men, especially when they're sweaty and wearing eye-black (Oh Winter Classic, how I miss you.).

I also have a great affection for Drapes and Maltby, dating back to their Grind Line days. Granted, neither one of them had a particularly good year, but I'm a loyal sort, and I can't forget the great joy that they brought me as a child.

My next player of note is Chris Osgood. I have always been an Ozzie supporter, even when he got run out of town by Dominik Hasek. That man takes a lot of crap, and most of it is undeserved. All year long, I found myself defending him, despite his god-awful stats. If the Wings had decided to actually play defense for any significant portion of the season, he'd have been riding high all year. All you have to do is look at the man's numbers over his career, especially in the playoffs. All the guy does is win hockey games. I don't want to hear about being buoyed by having a talented team in front of him. That only adds to the pressure. And one thing's certain: when the pressure is on, so is Chris Osgood. 'Nuff said.

I also have to mention Jiri Hudler. This man never ceases to amuse me. Every time I see him on screen, it makes me laugh. I'm not even entirely sure why. You know how there are certain people who you just want to hug? Well, he's one of them. I mean this, of course, in an entirely non-sexual way. He just always looks like he's having fun, and...I'm not really sure how to describe it. I feel the same way about Curtis Granderson. Plus, he's like 5'2 in skates, but he'll still mix it up with anyone. That may actually be an advantage against a guy like Chris Pronger.You.Goon, because he might be able to fly below elbow range.

It's also fairly obvious that I have a deep-seated hatred for Chris Pronger.You.Goon (helpfully abbreviated PYG. Please pronounce this like "pig." I think it's fitting.) Since I have a great fondness for delicious irony, one of my favorite hockey moments of all time was when PYG tried to run Stevie Y in the playoffs a few years back and ended up busting his own ACL. You could, quite literally, taste the irony in the air.

Since I'm on the subject of players that I dislike, I feel like I should mention my semi-irrational hatred of Sidney Crosby, or, as I like to call him, Gary Bettman's Little Buddy. I know it's fairly cliche for non-Pittsburg fans to hate Crosby, but I felt that way before it was cool. Ever since his name first came on my radar during the lockout year (AKA the worst year of my life), I was annoyed by him. The fact that he was treated like the second coming of Wayne Gretzky before even playing an NHL game really pissed me off. I grew up watching Wings late-round draft picks who came into their own based only on hard work and skill be ignored by the NHL marketing machine, and here was this kid I'd never seen before sucking up all of the media attention. I don't like people who get things handed to them on a platter. Much to my consternation, he turned out to be a pretty good player. Not the best, mind you, but pretty darn good, nonetheless. What I really hate is having his stupid Napoleon Dynamite face shoved down my throat by the NHL media. It quite literally makes me gag. And what's worse is that it's no good for the game. The real hockey fans see through the marketing and nothing gets us all more riled up bringing up the Little Buddy's name in a crowded sports bar. If the NHL would just acknowledge the existence of star players not named Crosby or Ovechkin (like say, Datsyuk, Zetterberg, Kane, Toews, Getzlaf, Nash, just to name a few), they would have a much less divisive marketing campaign. Instead, I'm forced to watch that stupid commercial where the Penguins fan has his TV in a penalty box that apparently has all three Pens highlights from the Finals playing on a continuous loop. Watching that commercial, the casual fan probably wouldn't realize that it was, in fact, the Wings who were drinking from Lord Stanley's Cup last year.

Another thing that still has me riled up is that God-awful call from the end of Game 3. You know which one I'm talking about. I know I should've moved on by know, but when something like that is still gnawing at my soul a week later, I have to vent about it somewhere. The thing that really made me angry the next day was that the NHL blindly stood by this Watson guy. These are the moments that make me hope that the Hockey Gods smite Gary Bettman with a lightning bolt from on high. A couple of days ago, the NBA (which has always been known for its classiness) openly admitted that a blown call in the final seconds of a game caused a team to lose. The exact details are fuzzy because I really couldn't care less about basketball, but it really struck me in light of the epic officiating failure on the Goal That Wasn't. The NBA at least had the guts to come out and say that their ref screwed up. I also seem to recall an NFL official apologizing after blowing a call back in the fall. I'm not one of those fans who thinks there's a massive conspiracy out to get the Wings, but let's face it, that was a major screw-up that impacted the outcome of an important playoff game.