Showing posts with label Hockey Gods. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hockey Gods. Show all posts

Monday, September 13, 2010

2010-2011 Player Profiles: Pavel Datsyuk...

Hey, kids, guess what? Hockey's almost here. That means it's time for me to get back into this whole blogging thing that I've neglected during the off-season. Since I lack the creativity to come up with a new gimmick, I decided to continue the Player Profiles series I did last year leading up to the season. I'll be taking a look at a different player (almost) every day between now and when hockey starts. By my count, there are 25 days until the Wings open the regular season. Get excited. Today's subject:

Pavel Datsyuk


2009-2010 Regular Season: 80 GP, 27-43-70, +/- 17, 18 PIM
2010 Playoffs: 12 GP, 6-7-13, +/- 3, 8 PIM

Season Highlight: This was my favorite shootout moment of the year. I also love, love, love this goal against former tweeter Dan Ellis.  It was nothing short of amazing.
Season Lowlight: Let's face it, we're talking about Pavel Datsyuk here.

Datsyuk didn't quite put up the offensive numbers that we've come to expect from him last season. That doesn't really concern me though. If he'd been the only player to see his offensive numbers drop (a 27 point differential from one season to another is pretty significant), I might be worried, but the whole team was in such rough shape that it's hardly fair to look at stats like that. I don't really see them as being indicative of the contribution Pav made.

Last year, I fully expected to see a 100-point season from Datsyuk, but the Hockey Gods obviously had other plans in mind. I don't see any reason why he can't finally break the triple digit mark this season. The Flying Circus line is scheduled to be reunited and there should be a lot more offense to go around, both at regular strength and on the powerplay. With a full season of healthy linemates and more regular scoring, Pav's numbers should rebound.

Aside from putting up points, Datsyuk does so many other little things that continue to amaze me. The backchecking and pickpocketing he does are endless sources of amusement. He's every bit as valuable on the defensive side of the puck as he is on offense. Of course, you already knew that, so I really just included that sentence to take up some space. On a night-to-night basis, Datsyuk is one of the most electrifying players on the ice and watching him go to work is a treat for all of the good little Wings fans out there.

What he needs to do to make me smile: Just be Pavel Datsyuk.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Red Wings 2, Flames 4: Post Game Snipes...

  • The first period was some pretty boring hockey. Neither team looked like it was willing to take a risk, and play was pretty choppy.
  • I was incredibly concerned when the Flames scored first, but the wings actually managed to rebound well from the goal. Too bad they weren't able to do that in the third period.
  • Via WingsLive, Brett Lebda announced that he was Single. Get in line, ladies. I know you're interested. To be fair, he said that Darren Helm was also single.
  • Pavel Datsyuk and Tomas Holmstrom came out of the Olympic break looking like guys with something to prove. I think that Homer staying home with his injury was one of the best things that could've happened for the Wings.
  • The Wings' second goal came off of an absolutely classic Red Wing powerplay. There was tape-to-tape passing, a goal, and a Tomas Holmstrom screen for the ages. I miss seeing that on a regular basis.
  • The Wings looked good during the second period, which gave me a sense of false hope for the outcome of the game. Naturally, the third period was a depressing let down.
  • I'm more and more convinced every game that Henrik Zetterberg has something nagging that's hampering his play. Too bad there's no cushion in the standings that would allow the team to give him a couple of games off.
  • Jarome Igninla hadn't scored on the Wings in his last 19 regular season games. The media made a big deal about this today, which naturally meant that he would break that streak during this game.
  • The Wings only mustered four shots in the third period. That's unacceptable. Especially in a game as important as this one was.
  • Nashville and Calgary both won tonight. This counts as a disaster. The Wings now find themselves outside of the playoff picture again.
GP Answers:
1. Jimmy Howard has struggled a little since the Olympic break. The layoff seems to have left him a little rusty. Can he hold up in this key game against Calgary?
This loss certainly wasn't his fault, but he's still struggling with his rebounds. They're not nearly as bad as they were at the beginning of the season, but they've become an issue again since the break.

2. Datsyuk and Bertuzzi both missed practice today. Both are supposed to be ready to go on Tuesday, but if I've learned one thing from this season, it's that the worst-case scenario almost always happens. Will their nagging issues affect their play significantly? It would be a shame to see Datsyuk's post-Olympic tear suffer because of a flu bug.
Datsyuk didn't look like his illness slowed him down at all. I thought Bertuzzi had a pretty solid game as well. He wasn't spectacular, but he looked particularly good on the shift after he got out of the penalty box in the third.

3. Over the last little while, the Wings' powerplay has slowly started to become respectable. Will their special teams keep up the good work, or will one of them start to falter? In the recent past, either the PK or the powerplay seems to be strong, but not both at the same time.
Like I said before, the Wings' second powerplay was classic. The others? Not so much.

4. From what I read today, Jonathan Ericsson is going to be returning to the lineup tomorrow. How is he going to respond to his benching? Getting sat in favor of Brett Lebda has to be demoralizing for anybody, but especially a guy like Ericsson with his Adonis-like qualities.
I didn't really notice Ericsson very much during the game. For a defenseman like him, that's a very good thing. He managed to stay +/- neutral in 13 minutes of ice time tonight.

Cookies and Cupcakes for Tomas Holmstrom
Because I love him.

Henrik Zetterberg gets the Golden Facepalm
Yeah, I went there. There was something supremely frustrating about his blown chance early on. I can't quite explain why, and this is really tough for me because lord knows I love me some Z, but...I don't know. That one chance just made me shake my head.

What I learned:
Looking up at the top eight again isn't fun. At all.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Memo From the Hockey Gods...

Hello, readers. When I sat down to check my email on this fine, snowy evening, I was intrigued by a message from an anonymous sender. Normally, I would have banished it straight to the spam folder, but something compelled me to open the message. And boy, was I ever glad that I did. You see, it contained a memo from the Hockey Gods to Wings fans everywhere. For some reason, I was asked to distribute it to you fine folks. I don’t even want to think about what the consequences of not opening that email would have been. Anyway, here it is in its entirety. Be warned, some may find the following material disturbing. Proceed at your own discretion.
Hey there, Wings fan. Did you wake up feeling bright and cheery at the prospect of Zetterberg and Cleary returning to the lineup tonight? Bet you thought we were finally letting up on you guys what with getting your boy Filppula back a couple of weeks ago and Kronwall and Ericsson getting ready to reinforce the defense soon. You probably had a big, stupid grin on your face this morning because you were sure that tonight marked the beginning of the end for the injury plague we’ve inflicted upon your team, right? Yeah? Well, suck on this, you hoser.

Lololololololololol!!!!!!!!!111!!!!1!one!!!!!11!!!,
The Hockey Gods
I warned you. It chilled me right to the bone. Not only that, but we've gone from guys getting injured in games to getting injured in practice. Next thing you know, someone's going to pull a Brandon Inge and hurt himself fluffing his kid's pillow or something.

Monday, December 28, 2009

The Obstructed View Episode 3...


(You have to listen to the podcast to understand. Do it. Do it now.)

On the off chance that you follow Wings blogs and haven’t heard already, the third episode of The Obstructed View has been posted. I was shockingly invited back to join Kyle from Babcock’s Death Stare and Tyler from The Triple Deke along with the usual suspects, Chris from Motown Wings and Brian Kiernicki. It’s another fantastic episode that features a discussion of Brian Rafalski’s hair (see above picture), the awesomeness of Todd Bertuzzi, my friend’s foot incident at the Joe Saturday night, and my New Year’s Resolution to do whatever it takes to get the Hockey Gods back on the Wings’ side (you know…No Limits and all). We may also, from time to time, actually discuss some hockey. Please do check it out, and keep the feedback coming.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Confessions of a Red Wings Fan...

The Wings’ current injury situation has become downright farcical. In light of the epidemic, I can only assume that we, the citizens of Hockeytown, have done some things to offend the Hockey Gods. Somebody out there spent the summer punching babies and it’s about time we got to the bottom of that. We need to take this opportunity to confess our sins so that we can atone for them and return to those days of sunshine and joy when the Hockey Gods smiled fondly down upon us from the rafters of the Joe. I'm coming clean about some things I've done that may have invoked their ire, and I'm joined by some other Wings fans in the hopes that we can appease the Hockey Gods.

Now I know the last couple of games since I started working on this post have been alright and the Wings seem to have escaped injury, but there have still been a couple of close calls (Rafalski and Helm took pucks to the face and Lebda looked like he might've been hurt for a while.) and I'm not willing to take any more chances.

So here goes nothing:

I, Kris, tormented my puppy during the playoffs by doing things like strapping a stuffed Al the Octopus onto her back (Look how defeated she looks here...poor Penny Lane.), putting red and white pompoms in her collar, dressing her up in a Shanny baseball-style jersey, and trying to train her to bark when the Wings scored. I may also at one point taken away all of her toys except her squeaky penguin chew toy so that she would be forced to gnaw on that one during the Finals. There was literally nobody happier to see the playoffs end than my dog.

I also admit to making fun of Valtteri Filppula’s hair. All the time. I’m truly sorry.

Over the summer, I clicked on a shortened link on Twitter and accidentally ended up on a puck bunny website. I sincerely apologize for this horrendous mistake and promise that it will never happen again.

At Hockeyfest, we sat on the bench and jumped over the boards like we were doing a line change. I’m pretty sure that this upset the natural order of things and was simply unacceptable. The fact that my sister can’t even skate and was pretending to take a shift at the Joe had to be deeply upsetting to the Hockey Gods. I’m so sorry for encouraging this type of behavior.

@RedWingsQueen19 chimed in with this confession:
I confess that I had so much hate towards Todd Bertuzzi and wished he was never aquired. I regret it, he proved me wrong so far
@jennbikegirl admitted to wishing injury on Brett Lebda:
My confession: when I heard about Raffy's back, my 1st thought was, why not Lebda? Basically wishing injury on him = bad!
Michael Petrella from The Production Line, however, had the most significant confessions to make. I think after reading his first story, all of the “intent to blow” nonsense will make sense:
I played hockey for a long time: I started skating as soon as I could stand up, and played competitive hockey all the way through college. I like to think of myself as a good sportsman, albeit one with a filthy mouth that never stopped running. Two stories stand out as examples of things I may have done to anger the Hockey Gods -- perhaps bad enough to create this rash of injuries to the team I love so dearly.

During a game I was playing in high school, I ended up on my butt, right along the goal line as a goal was scored against my team. It was so obviously a goal, and I figured everyone knew, that I reached in with my hand and angrily threw the puck back toward center ice in anticipation of another faceoff. But, it was must have been LaRue officiating because the ref skated over, waving emphatically "NO GOAL! NO GOAL! NO GOAL!" In my head, I'm thinking "really?" because I threw the puck only after I figured it was so apparent that everyone in the building saw it. Evidently, only I had seen it, and I didn't say a word. What I did amounts to no less than cheating, and I'm sure the Gods have had it in for me ever since. (P.S. the goal wouldn't have mattered as we lost by a good margin anyway...)

While in college, I was much more of a role-player, in the Kirk Maltby-mold, so I didn't get a ton of ice-time at that level, but cherished the few minutes I received every night. During the last weekend of the season (of my Junior year), we were playing in Wisconsin. We played back-to-back games on Friday and Saturday nights, as is pretty common in collegiate hockey. On Friday night, a senior who had played his heart out for our team for four years was injured by a fairly dirty hit. The kid got two minutes, but with a pretty severe knee injury, my teammate was going to miss his final game of collegiate hockey. I'll never forget his face - he was so upset because he never missed a team function, and now he was going to have to watch the last game of his college career from the press box. The following night, I spent every second of my ice-time aimed at retribution. I was offside more in that game than the rest of my collegiate career combined, because I didn't pay attention to the puck, only #21 in black. At one point, I even broke a stick on the back of his knee. As the final horn went, I took another three or four steps and tried my best to put him through the glass. He was about eight inches taller than me, so I ended up on the ice. I'll never forget what happened next because, even though these two stories aren't indicative of the kind of player I was or man I am, it taught me an important lesson. He took off his glove, and extending his hand to me, helping me back up. He said to me, "I know what you were trying to do, and I would have done the same. You played me hard, good game." Even though my teammate was the one on crutches, I couldn't have felt any worse.

I played hockey at some level for nearly twenty years, and it's fair to say that these two examples are the only ones I'm not proud of. And I'm just superstitious enough to think that the Hockey Gods noticed...
So there you have it, Hockey Gods. We’re all very sorry for the many things that we have done to offend you. We take full responsibility for our actions and hope that you can forgive us. Now can we please get back to our regularly scheduled programming of dominating performances and an elite roster? And, if it’s not too much trouble, could you throw some puck luck our way? We sure could use it.

Sincerely,
Hockeytown

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Wings vs. Maple Leafs GP...

Wings vs. Leafs @7 PM

1. Despite all of the Wings’ early-season struggles, we can still be thankful that we’re not Leafs fans. They have exactly 2 victories. Two. In 14 games. They actually doubled their win total last night by beating the lowly Hurricanes. The Wings, on the other hand have put together three solid games in a row. They’re in Toronto with all kinds of autograph sessions and media fanfare for Steve Yzerman to play against a weak, Eastern Conference opponent. In other words, this is exactly the kind of game the Wings like to sleepwalk through. Will they decide to show up and not embarrass themselves with a loss to the Leafs? Please, Hockey Gods, make it so.
2. Will Phil Kessel come into his own in his role as savior of the Leafs tonight?
3. With any luck, the Wings have taken their off-day to recalibrate their collective aim. The last game looked like the team dressed 18 versions of Mikael Samuelsson with all of the missed shots they took. How many shots are they going to send wide this game?
4. Every once in a while, Todd Bertuzzi does things that make me smile. Sometimes I even feel like I’m starting to like him. Then he does things like make behind-the-back passes right onto the tape of opposing players in the Wings’ defensive zone that inevitably lead to heart-attack-inducing scoring chances. Is he going to finally set himself on a course that will earn him my good graces, or is he going to continue to be the guy who keeps making me scare my housemates by yelling at the TV all the time?
5. With a win tonight, the Wings can overtake Chicago and Columbus for the Central Division lead (although, the BJs are playing Carolina, so there’s a pretty good chance they’ll walk away with 2 points to stay ahead of the Wings). Am I the only one who finds it ironic that the Central, who pretty much everyone agreed was the best division in the league at the start of the season actually has the lowest first place point total of any one in the league? There’s no way that will stay like that for the whole season, but I thought it was worth pointing out.

On a side note, I really like the look of the Leafs’ official website. I’m a sucker for old-timey photos like the one they use as the background. I probably won’t get to see the game tonight, which is disappointing because I always love a good Original 6 match-up.

Now, it’s off to the Big House for some football and glorious fall weather. Go Blue!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Wings 5, Oilers 6 (SO): Post Game Snipes...

  • I can’t decide what to name this season so far. I’m torn between the Season of FML, the Season of the Constant Heart Attack, and the Season of Aaarrrrggggghhhh.
  • When the Oilers had their first flurry right at the start of the game, I turned to my Mom and said this: "Wow that was close. I would've been pretty upset if they gave up another goal 30 seconds in." To say that I was not amused when they actually let one in at 42 seconds would be an understatement of epic proportions.
  • If you had told me that the Wings would get a point out of this game when I returned from the first intermission at the exact moment the Oilers scored their fourth goal, I would’ve laughed at your face.
  • As I was sitting on the couch typing the previous bullet point, Mike Babcock announced that Filppula broke his wrist and will be out for 6-8 weeks. On the off chance that I survive this season, I’m going to be bald and emaciated by the time April rolls around.
  • No seriously. When is this whole hockey season thing going to get fun?
  • Wouldn't it have been nice if the Wings had buried one of the 18,000 shots they rang off the post at the end of the second period? I know, I know...wishful thinking.
  • Darren Helm finally got around to scoring his first regular season goal. At the time, I sarcastically applauded, thinking that it wouldn’t mean much in terms of changing the game. Overall, he was much more noticeable tonight.
  • Zetterberg’s goal was one of the flukiest bounces I’ve seen in a while. I almost couldn’t believe that the Wings had been the beneficiaries of such a lucky bounce.
  • It was also nice to see Patrick Eaves join in on the fun. Also, Todd Bertuzzi. Please, pretty please, can they get going now?
  • No joke, the Wings’ scoresheet read something like this: Helm, Zetterberg, Ericsson, Bertuzzi, Eaves. Yeah. I know.
  • For the life of me, I can’t figure out why this team is so awful at overtime and shootouts. Let’s not even mention the lame excuses for shootout attempts that Z and Datsyuk offered up.
  • Why is it that every time I see an Edmonton Oilers jersey, I feel like I've time warped back to the '80s?
  • I don’t even know what to make of the game other than the jumbled thoughts above. I missed large portions of it because I decided to spend the first intermission catching up on the Office episode I’d DVR’ed earlier. When I flipped back to the game and saw the fourth goal go in, I decided to go ahead and watch the end of the show before coming back. Then large chunks of the third period were missed because my dear father stole the remote while I was up for intermission and decided to watch the end of a movie that we’ve all seen before. Fortunately, I didn’t miss any goals, but I was not a happy camper.
  • It’s tempting to celebrate the fact that they got a point out of the game, but I’m not sure I’m that thrilled about the whole deal. These last two comebacks have been fun and all, but there are some enormous unresolved issues left over from last season that have yet to be solved. And righting the ship isn’t going to get any easier now that Flipper’s out for a while.
  • One positive note: the Wings have scored 5 goals in each of their last two games. Now that the offense is functioning, if they could just get the defensive side of things worked out, we'd be in business.
Cookies and Cupcakes for the Hockey Gods
I know this was intended to praise the player who brought me the most joy during the course of the game, but I’m going to use my executive authority to send the imaginary baked goods over (up?) to the Hockey Gods. Based on what I’ve seen so far, I’ve done something to seriously offend them. So this is my lame attempt to make amends. I swear I didn’t notice the puppies I apparently kicked. Or the babies that I apparently punched. Or the little old ladies who I tripped in the crosswalk to steal their groceries. I have no idea what kind of bad karma I’m being punished for, but I’m hoping these cookies and cupcakes (I’ll throw in some brownies for good measure too) will atone for it. Please.

Jimmy Howard’s rebound control gets the Golden Facepalm
I know it’s hard to pin this loss on Howard, but he gave up horrendous rebounds all night. He made some really good saves when the Wings needed him to, but at some point he’s going to need to address the rebound issue.

What I learned:
Just when you think you’ve hit rock bottom, Valtteri Filppula can go and break his wrist so your night’s 100% ruined instead of the usual 75% or so that results from a Wings loss.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Wings vs. Oilers GP...

Wings @ Oilers 9:30 PM

1. Edmonton’s riding a pretty lengthy scoreless streak. I’m all about kicking teams while they’re down, so the Wings will need to play a strong first period and keep them frustrated.
2. By the end of the Vancouver game, I had the sense that Pavel Datsyuk was getting ready to go on a scoring tear. Dating back to last season, he was in quite a slump in terms of offensive production. Now that he’s finally gotten whatever issues he had sorted out I’ll be looking for him to really get on a roll. He sat out practice Wednesday because of a shot he blocked. He claims that he's sure he'll be fine for the game tonight, but I won't believe that until I see him take a shift. All of the injuries and bad breaks the Wings have had starting in the pre-season have caused me to wonder if I accidentally kicked a puppy without realizing it. Maybe I punched a baby in my sleep. I must've done something to upset karma and the Hockey Gods. I'm going to work on figuring out what travesty I committed and how to atone for my transgressions. This is getting old.
3. Jimmy Howard’s scheduled to start today. He’s played well in his last two appearances. We’ll see if he can keep it up. I’m honestly torn about the goaltending issue. I’ve always been an Ozzie supporter, but he’s had a pretty rough start to the season. Jimmy Howard’s had a good last couple of games, but it’s going to take a bit more before I’m a convert. I guess we’ll see what happens.
4. How will Darren Helm respond to being scratched on Tuesday? I wasn’t really sure about Babcock’s decision to sit him last night, but since things worked out well in the end, I can’t really complain about it. That being said, I would like to see more from him. It’s early and he did miss some time due to his injury, but he has been a little quieter than I had expected.

Friday, July 17, 2009

The NHL Schedule and Video Madness...

So the NHL released next season’s schedule yesterday. This is always an exciting day for me because now I can plan my life for the next 10 months or so. My friends and family now know the 82 times between October and April during which they should not attempt to contact me. This is very important for them because over the years, they’ve learned to check the score of the Wings game before asking me for something. If things are going well, then they’ll hop on the phone asking for favors galore. If things aren’t looking so hot, they know to put off their requests until such time as I’m likely to be cheerful.

I’m really looking forward to the games in Sweden. If I had money instead of school, I’d totally be there. Unfortunately, that’s not how my life has worked out to this point. So instead, I’ll be chilling on the couch, celebrating the fact that the football game is away that weekend, and diving right back into my obsessive fandom.

I’m not going to go over the schedule. Enough people have done that already, and I don’t have much to add. Someone commented on Snapshots that the March schedule is brutal. I’d have to agree with that. I don’t think it’s going to be any different for any other teams though. The NHL schedulers have been lauded for not increasing the number of back-to-back games this year to account for the Olympic break. Instead there are just more one-day breaks between games. This is good for me as a fan, maybe not so good for the players. Remember last year when there was that five or six day-long gap in the Wings’ schedule for no apparent reason? That was miserable. None of that this year.

Other things of note: the Wings play Pittsbugh twice. I half expected the NHL to schedule them to play against the Pens in their home opener just so Gary Bettman could get the satisfaction of forcing them to watch the banner raise. Thankfully, the Hockey Gods aren’t quite cruel enough to allow that. They also play Alex Ovechkin and the Caps twice, which is nice since he’s only played at the Joe once before (Thanks for that, NHL and your misguided attempt to force teams into rivalries.). Other than that, it’s nice to see the New Year’s Eve game return. Not that the Winter Classic wasn’t worth it last year, but it was a little bit sad to miss that tradition last year.

Now that the schedule’s out, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Summer’s never been my favorite season. Some kids reveled in their summers, thrilled to be off of school and enjoying the weather. I spent my summers dreaming of ice and free agents and October. I realize that this isn’t entirely normal, but it is what it is. I can totally sympathize with this article, written by Paul Kukla of Kukla’s Korner fame for NHL.com. It’s pretty much the story of my life.

Snapshots pointed me to this video of Darren McCarty at the hockey camp at the Joe. Because, clearly, as a Wings fan, you needed another reason to love the guy.

I also stumbled across this on YouTube. It’s not necessarily Red Wings-related, but it made my friend and I laugh hysterically. There’s apparently a whole series of them on YouTube using the same clip. The Michael Jackson one’s pretty good too. In other amazing hockey-related video news, head over to Japers' Rink and check out these two videos. It’ll be worth your while. I promise.

I’m not even going to touch the Jiri Hudler saga. That one’s just going to have to play itself out. I can’t shake the feeling that the Wings are getting completely hosed with the whole deal, but I’m not one of those people who thinks that it’s intentional on the NHL’s part. I think they’ve been looking for a chance to make this an issue for a while, and the Wings were just lucky enough to be the ones to get caught in the cross-fire. I really don’t see Hudler suiting up for the Wings next season. I just think it would be nice to be able to get something back for developing him as an asset. You’re not supposed to lose valuable RFAs for nothing. Unless you fail to mail their qualifying offers in time. Oh no, what kind of postal nightmare have I brought upon myself for daring to mock them again? I’m going to leave you with that while I go cower in a corner and await the terrible consequences of that last comment.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Good Riddance and Other Inanity...

In my attempt to sound all smart and savvy about the draft, I neglected to mention perhaps my favorite news of the weekend. It seems that Chris Pronger.You.Goon is no longer a member of the Anaheim Ducks. It's about time that waste of brain cells went to the Eastern Conference. He and his elbows have been a plague on the West for far too long. (Something I've always wondered: When he flies, do they make him pay an extra carry-on fee for his elbows?) I'd be lying if I said I didn't do a little happy dance when I heard the news. Granted, his legacy will still live on with the Ducks, as he's evidently rubbed off on his captain and GM (among others), but having him in the East means at least five fewer games every season which I'll have to spend screaming things like, "Look out, Pav!" and, "Nooooo, not Z!" It's to the point that I find myself ducking as I sat on my couch as though somehow one of his elbows could fly through my TV screen and nail me in the head. (Sorry, but I just had an incredibly traumatizing image of PYG crawling out of my TV like the girl from The Ring and I'm not sure that I can ever get that mental picture out of my head.) Much to my surprise, it turns out that there are people out there who actually like PYG. According to the writer, Proger's just a nice guy who's universally misunderstood. This quote literally made me laugh out loud:
At first blush, he can definitely come across as arrogant and prickly, but upon getting to know him, Pronger is unmasked as an extremely intelligent, articulate, candid and fun person to be around.
Seriously? For real? How am I supposed to take this "journalist" seriously when he writes things like that. It turns out that Mischa Barton really was the brains of the OC. I'm also quite fond of this little quote:
Despite having suffered a separated right shoulder, missing a portion of the game and needing multiple injections to get back into the clinching 6-2 victory over the Ottawa Senators, Pronger repeatedly raised the Cup for Ducks staff, family members and who knows who else to drink from during the boisterous locker-room celebration.
So I'm supposed to believe that PYG's a really nice guy based on the fact that he got drunk and hoisted the Cup for his friends and family after his team won? I'd venture a guess to say that *even if* he was a complete and utter douchebag, he probably would've done the same thing. It's just a hypothetical, though.

And then there's this picture. If that doesn't say it all, I don't know what does. This made me laugh even harder than the news article did. It's about time the forwards in the East found themselves in his elbow targeting radar.



Also of note is the fact that the Wings won't be bringing back Ty Conklin next year. Instead we'll be left with Jimmy Howard as Ozzie's backup. Hockey Gods forbid Ozzie goes down with an injury. I've never quite understood the organization's attachment to Howard, but I guess we'll wait and see what happens. Of all of the summers since the lockout, this is the one in which the salary cap has frustrated me the most. Anyway, 10 bucks says Conks ends up signing with Boston or Philly just so he can play in the Winter Classic.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Hell Yeah, I'm Proud...

At the end of my last post, I wrote something about being let down by the Wings. I don't know exactly what I said, because that would require me to go back and reread the most painful thing I've ever written in my life (and that's saying something coming from someone who's written 25-page papers on the prison system before). But over the last couple of days, I had a chance to do quite a bit of solo driving, which is always when I do my best thinking. And the more I thought about what I had written and the fact that I really had lost my faith during the second period, the worse I felt. I couldn't wait to get back to my computer and "make amends." I actually thought of being late to my camping trip so I could go back and write some more.

The truth is, I am proud of my boys. In the heat of the moment, while I was mourning the loss, I was angry and upset and miserable and mean. But in all honesty, this particular playoff run exemplified why I truly love the Wings (except for the part where they were supposed to win...).

They fought and they battled, seemingly uphill at times, and they carried an entire devastated region on their backs for two months. And that can't have been easy considering the amount of injuries they were playing with. (Kris Draper had torn neck cartilage? Seriously? I didn't even think that that was something that was possible. Also, I've never seen the word "testicle" tossed around in news coverage as frequently as I have the last few days. I'm completely astonished that Lidstrom had surgery on his balls during the third round and only missed two games. And I'm not even a guy. In the words of my brother, "What kind of a man does that to another man?" regarding the spearing incident. And those are just the beginning of the list.) I also once read somewhere that Detroit was the most overweight city in America, so that probably didn't help matters either.

It's not just the injuries that they battled through that make me proud, though. One of the moments that defines the playoff run in my mind was The Goal That Wasn't. A lot of lesser teams would have just called it quits and said, "this isn't our year," but the Wings battled back and won that series. They just put their heads down and went to work on the ice.

Mostly, though, I admire their class. I know it's talked about a lot in sports, and it's often irrelevant, but it seems like it always comes back to that for me. It's part of what makes me thank the Hockey Gods for the good fortune of growing up a Wings fan. It's also why I was so upset when they traded for Bertuzzi and was so glad when he left. While I have no idea what the players are like privately, it's nice to at least be able to admire their public personas, which is more than I can say for a lot of other teams out there.

This was most noticeable during the second round when it had been fairly well established that the refs were going to follow an "anything goes" policy. Anaheim had proven in the past that this was an effective way to win in the playoffs and seemed determined to do so again, but the Wings never stooped to their level. While Anaheim felt it was necessary to start after-game scrums (games they won, which I still haven't figured out) and rough up players, the Wings stuck to their tried and true "between the whistles" schtick. One of my brothers kept screaming for them to just do it back, and maybe that would've made the series easier to win. But I liked the fact that they didn't. Maybe that makes me less of a fan, but I'll go head-to-head with anyone else's rabid devotion if you want to make it a contest of who likes the Wings more.

The same thing was showcased during their blowout victories in Game 4 against Chicago and 5 against Pittsburgh. They just kept playing their game and let the other teams make fools of themselves as they paraded to the penalty box. Even when the Wings arguably lost their composure in Game 4 of the Finals, they never sank to the childish antics and vicious attacks that so many other teams resort to when faced with the frustration of being dominated.

There was an article linked to on Snapshots that claimed that Franzen would've become the poster boy for obstruction if the Pens had ended up losing. Which is really funny considering the egregious amounts of obstruction that were ignored against them. Especially when there's a guy on Crosby's team who somehow only managed two penalty minutes during the entire series. coughHalGillcough

I'm going to stop myself before this spirals out of control into an officiating rant. That's not what this post is supposed to be about. As much as I'm disappointed that they came up one game short, I really am proud of what the Wings did this season. They were counted out of every series, including the one against playoff-virgin Columbus, and went further in the playoffs than any other Cup-defenders since...themselves in 1998. Nobody expected that to happen, and in all honesty, neither did I, especially during the doldrums of February and March.

Over the course of the last two months, I've spent way too many hours pouring over every word of hockey coverage and run up more credit card bills at bars than I care to think about. I've drank approximately 687 gallons of Slurpees, and cut at least 17 years off of my life expectancy. But man, did I ever have a good time doing it.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Night of A Thousand Heart Attacks...

I know I said I was done until the game was, but it turns out that I just can't stay away.

2.5 hours until game time. How's your day been? So far, my biggest accomplishment has been forming coherent sentences. I lost count of my near-death heart stoppages once I hit triple digits at approximately noon.

There was a moment earlier in the day when I felt a tinge of jealousy for those "fans of the sport" who had no vested interest in the outcome of Game 7 and just wanted to see a good game. I thought how nice it would be to casually tune in and enjoy it with a blissful sense of detachment, sans life threatening blood pressure issues. Then I snapped out of it faster than a Nick Lidstrom slapper from the point. I realized that this is what I live for. This is how I get my kicks. It's like my own special version of the runner's high. So what if it's literally melting years off of my life expectancy as I type this very sentence? Without days like these, moments like running down Woodward in an early June rainstorm wearing my brand new Cup t-shirt, my hair still shedding confetti from the Joe, screaming at the top of my lungs last year would have no meaning. (It's also important to note that while I was doing this, I was stone-cold sober. I think it provides a better perspective on the effect that the Wings have on my emotional state.)

What really strikes me the most is the finality of it all. I've never been in a situation where I know that it's the absolute last game of the season. There have been games when I expected the season to be over, but it was never a sure thing. Even in the Game 7s I've lived through in the past, there was always wondering when the next round would start if the Wings won or clearing my schedule for the next game a couple of days down the road. I'm not sure I like finality. I'm one of those people who likes to keep my options open and make plans on the fly. This is an entirely new experience for me. May the Hockey Gods help us all.

Going into Game 7, there's very little that I know for sure. And I don't just mean related to hockey. I don't think I could even tell you my home address at this point. I am, however, 100% positive about these things:
-The Joe will be absolutely crazy-nutso tonight, if it isn't already. I wouldn't be surprised if banners start falling from the rafters before the opening faceoff, like some kind of red and white rain of triumph.
-At the end of the game I will be crying, regardless of the outcome. They'll either be tears of joy or sadness, plus a little relief from having survived the ordeal at all. I'm not the slightest bit ashamed to admit this.
-Careers will be defined tonight, one way or another. There are guys on both sides who stand to cement their legacies with a victory tonight, and some who may be made eternal goats if they fail to show up to play.
-My puppy is going to be cowering in a corner before the first intermission. If she can escape the headlock I'm going to have her in, that is.
-The neighbors (if they don't already) are going to question my sanity thanks to my tendency to scream at the top of my lungs. A lot. If they thought Game 7 against Anaheim was obnoxious, they have no idea what's in store for them now.
-These guys will decide which city gets to party: Henrik Zetterberg, Chris Osgood, Nick Lidstrom, Pavel Datsyuk, Marian Hossa, Johan Franzen, Darren Helm, Evegeni Malkin, Sidney Crosby, Jordan Staal, Rob Scuderi, Marc-Andre Fleury, Paul Devorski, and Bill McCreary.

Yeah, I literally have nothing else to say. Somewhere, Dan Bylsma is finishing off his imported lucky burrito. I hope the man enjoys it, because it's been my experience that burritos are not meant to be reheated. I'm too nervous to eat dinner, so I'm going to go commence my traditional fetal position/nausea/bartering with the Hockey Gods routine until it's time for my pre-game Slurpee run. If I never post again, it's fairly safe to assume that the game killed me.

Friday June 12th, 2009...

The last 48 hours have been pretty rough. I'm not ashamed to admit that. But it's nothing compared to what tomorrow's going to be like. Got a barf bag? Better take it to work with you. Co-workers, customers, clients beware. This is not the day to mess with a Wings fan.

Road rage? Check. Irrational outbursts? Check. Random fits of sobbing? Check. Inability to control basic bodily functions? Check. Nothing is out of line tomorrow. People who don't understand may judge you. It doesn't matter. One way or another, barring a cruel, cruel torment by the Hockey Gods, it will all be over in less than 24 hours.

At this point, I really have nothing left to say. And that's the way it should be. It doesn't make a bit of difference what I want or what I do. This game's going to be decided out on the ice based on which team wants it more. It's already been demonstrated that both teams are capable of winning when they show up and play their game. All we can do is hope that the Wings are the ones who bring it at 8pm. Not 8:30 or 8:45. They need to be firing on all cylinders right from the opening faceoff. There simply is no other option. There's no tomorrow. Nothing to save their energy for. It's do or die or ten million other sports cliches and it's in their hands now.

I know a lot of people hate the Wings. On some level, I even understand it. It's for the same reasons that everyone seems to hate the Yankees. But everyone outside of Pittsburgh should be rooting for the Wings to win. Why, you ask? Because if the Wings fail, every single hockey fan is going to have to endure at least 3 seasons of being inundated with commercials showing Sidney Crosby hoisting the Cup. Remember how much you hated that stupid commercial with the Pens fan and the penalty box TV? It would be 1000 times worse. Every single time you sat down to watch a hockey game. There's no way you could escape it. It's been fairly well demonstrated that if the Wings win, you won't be forced to relive their victory five thousand times over the course of the next few years. It's something to think about, even if it makes me gag a little bit.

Over the last couple of days, I've been having periodic moments of terror in which I envision the Penguins winning. There are many reasons for this. Chief among them is the fact that weird things happen in Game 7s. The thought of the Stanley Cup being decided by a point shot that deflects off of three skates and someone's pants or one bad call or a turnover or a broken stick scares the living daylights out of me. It's part of what makes hockey such a compelling sport to watch, but it's no fun at all if you have a vested interest in one of the teams involved. And I haven't even mentioned Malkin yet. I don't care that he hasn't been putting up points the last couple of games. Every time the man touches the puck, I start to cry. There's also the Wings inexplicable failures on both sides of the special teams equation. I'd go more in depth on that aspect, but there's really nothing left to say, and I'm pretty sure you'd have to be as loony as Dominik Hasek to make sense of it anyway.

And then, occasionally, I have moments in which I envision a Wings victory and all of the glorious fun that would accompany it. I push those images out of my mind as quickly than Darren Helm chasing down a loose puck, lest I somehow offend the Hockey Gods with my presumptuousness. There are many reasons to feel confident, but let's face it, I've woken up with a bad feeling and sense of paranoia every single game day since April (Man, that seems like a long time ago.). The Joe's been good to the Wings during this postseason. Also, it helps that the game's not being played on Tuesday. (They've had 5 Tuesday night games that conflicted with my softball team's games, and they're 1-4, with the only victory coming on the day I didn't play because I was at the Joe.) Then there is Chris Osgood. And Henrik Zetterberg. And Nicklas Lidstrom. And Pavel Datsyuk. So there's reason to believe. I just refuse to allow myself to get my hopes up, because that inevitably leads to crushing despair.

Other random thoughts:
-I refuse to read the Freep tomorrow on account of being terrified of what Drew Sharp might have to say.
-Now that most people think the Pens have the edge, maybe the Wings will play well. They seem to do their best when everyone counts them out. (See Games 1, 2, and 5.)
-Mike Babcock continues to be a press conference all-star.
-There are a couple of good interviews here. Although the part in the Babcock one where the interviewer points out that the Wings have lost 3 out of the last 4 games almost made me vomit. So be prepared for that.
-It will be a miracle if I survive tomorrow.

And finally, since it seemed to work before Game 5, a cut and paste from my pre-game post:

Hockey Gods, if you're listening, just about anything is up for grabs. My car, my Scotty Bowman bobblehead, my soul, my rally rag/security blanket from last year. My Steve Yzerman jersey stays with me, but you're free to claim dibs on my firstborn child, if you're interested.

Heck, now that it's Game 7, I'll throw in the jersey plus Nick Lidstrom's used beer bottle. That's everything I have to give. It's actually kind of sad to consider the fact that most of my prized possessions are related to the Wings. I feel like this would be less weird if I were male, but it is what it is, and I can't help who I am.

Nothing pre-game tomorrow, unless something major comes up. I'll see you on the flip side. One way or another, I'll probably be crying. Joy or despair? Only the Hockey Gods know for sure.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

We'll Know Soon Enough...

There isn't really much to say today. Everything meaningful's been covered by the players and other bloggers. I really have very little of consequence to add.

If you read nothing else today, read this. The Chief sums it up better than I ever could. And if the part about Dominik Hasek doesn't make you laugh, then you either have no sense of humor or you're a good-for-nothing bandwagon fan. Either way, please leave.

It sounds as though everyone on the Wings is good to go tonight. As important as it was to get Datsyuk back for Game 5, it means so much more heading into a road game. Even though he and Z are playing on the same line, his presence has a trickle down effect that makes every line combo better top to bottom. This is especially important with the Pens getting the last change. On a side note, I don't think I've ever heard so much about the importance of getting the last line change as I have in this series. Ditto on the JLA boards. Can we please find something else to talk about? Or just sit in pleasant silence and let the players do the talking?

The key to the game, other than the standard platitude about getting off to a good start is going to be special teams, special teams, special teams. Why? All you need to do is look at Games 4 and 5. If you can't figure it out, please join those who didn't laugh at the Chief's bit on Hasek and leave. One of the big moments in Game 5, although it flew under the radar what with the Wings' offensive show and Pittsburgh's penalty "troubles," was that first PK when Kronwall (once again) got whistled for an early penalty (seriously, he's turning into this year's Jiri Hudler). Naturally, I was terrified, sure that it spelled doom for my boys, but they put together a wonderful kill and kept the Pens off the board. Not long after that, Cleary put the Wings ahead for good. Those are the little things that win championships. The things that have been sadly missing for much of the season this year. If we're lucky, the boys will show up for Game 6 with the determination and drive that they need to win.

This is major gut-check time for Marian Hossa. He needs to come out and play like a man possessed. I can guarantee you that he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life second-guessing his decision to come to Detroit. Two assists in Game 5 were nice, but I want more. I want the boos to rain down on him as he holds his hands up in celebration. I want his name called over their PA system multiple times, again to a chorus of boos. But most of all, I want him holding a shiny silver trophy over his head at the end of the night as a deafening round of boos rain down again. And if he plays like he did in last year's finals, his chances are going to be a hole lot better.

My anxiety level is increasing exponentially as game time gets closer and closer. I'm heading down to Hockeytown to watch the game tonight, and all day I've been replaying memories of filing out of the City Theater in the middle of the night after Game 5 last year. It's silly, because I've been there a handful of times since, but it was a traumatic incident in my life and it's going to stay with me for a while.

Speaking of Game 5 last year, rumor has it that Petr Sykora might be suiting up for the Pens tonight. While we all still shudder at the mention of Maxime Talbot's name or the number 34.7, it's often overlooked that Sykora was the one who scored the OT goal. And not only that, but he called his shot to Pierre McGuire. This still makes me nauseous. I'm not saying that he's in for a repeat performance, but dragging myself through those memories is not something I need to be doing at this particular moment.

The bottom line is that if the Wings want it, it's theirs to take. If they show up and play their game to the best of their ability, there's not a team in the world who can stop them. On the other hand, if they play like they did in Games 3 and 4 (and, really, stretches of 1 and 2), then it's going to be ugly.

PS. Dear Hockey Gods,
I've already promised you my first-born child, so now I'm offering up the second-born. Screw it, take 'em all. I just want Stanley.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Evil Co-Workers and Gearing Up for A Big Game...

I've been in a surprisingly good mood today. There is absolutely no explanation for this. It's theoretically possible that my little Bob-Seger-and-Dire-Straits-fest before work this morning helped me chill out, but I like to think that it had more to do with wearing a Wings t-shirt under my work polo. To make things even better, miracle of miracles, my manager took pity on my and told me that I didn't have to work tonight. I can only interpret this as divine intervention on the part of the Hockey Gods. So at least I have that going for me. Maybe my begging and pleading is paying off.

Work this morning was actually a blessing because otherwise I would've spent hours sitting in front of my computer refreshing the Snapshots blog until I gave myself carpal tunnel. I didn't even care that the place was absolutely dead, and I made no money. If nothing else, it kept my mind off of Game 5 tonight and kept my stress levels somewhat in check.

Until one of my evil, evil co-workers decided to play a nasty trick on me, that is. He's a Carolina Hurricanes' fan (yeah, I didn't realize they existed either until I met him), and he's been giving me crap about the Wings since the start of the playoffs. This was totally uncalled for, since I didn't even give him a hard time when Carolina lost, figuring that the mere fact that he was a Canes' fan was enough punishment for one lifetime. He decided that it would be fun to run up to me and tell me that Datsyuk was officially out for the rest of the series. And then my heart stopped. I'm not even kidding. At least that's what I imagine having your heart stop would feel like. And I would've believed him until he told me that Lidstrom and Zetterberg were also out. At that point, I threw something at him and told him that we were no longer friends. If I had actually died right there, they would've had charge him with manslaughter for intentionally causing me to have a heart attack. He would've sold me on the Datsyuk front, at least until I had time to text a friend for confirmation, but he tried to take it too far, and I saw through it.

In actual news, it's sounding pretty certain that Datsyuk will, in fact, be back. It goes without saying, but this is a very good thing. However, I'm holding my joy back until I actually see him on the ice after the puck drops. You can fool me once, Pavel and Mike, but I'm not that gullible. So we'll see.

On the other hand, neither Dan Cleary nor Brian Rafalski took the morning skate, and this is troubling. I know Rafalski didn't skate the other day and was still good to play, but it's still not particularly good news. I'd even go so far as to speculate that it played a role in him getting beaten on Staal's shorthanded goal. All we know of Cleary's issue is that it's being called a "lower body injury." So really, that could mean anything from a separated shoulder to herpes. The Wings need him going full-tilt too, and tonight would be a fantastic time for him to re-ignite that little scoring bonanza he had going during the Western Conference Finals.

Over the last couple of days, I've been informed by nearly every media source that Gary Bettman's dream has, in fact, come true, and his Little Buddy is all but assured the Stanley Cup. This might terrify a normal person, or a fan of another team. But over the course of my fandom, I've noticed that the Wings tend to play their best hockey when their backs are against the walls. I think they thrive on being counted out. I think Mike Babcock makes them sit down and read every single word written by the naysayers. In Games 1 and 2, when everybody assumed they were done for without Datsyuk and with such a short break before the back-to-back games, they came out and got the job done. After they went up 2-0 and everyone switched around and said that they had it all but locked up, they proceeded to play like a peewee team. So now here we are, exactly where we were a week ago, except for now it's a best of three instead of a best of seven series. Pretty much everybody is expecting the Wings to go down like the Titanic. But my boys? They're not ready to let go. They get their jollies by proving that they can do things that nobody else believes they can do. Kind of like how I enjoy proving that I can lift heavy things and open jars even though people assume that a short little girl like me is helpless.

The bottom line is that the Wings are capable of winning with or without him, if everybody steps up and performs. If they sit back and play like they did in Game 4, then getting Pav back won't make any difference at all.

Now that I'm done with this post, it's time for me to commence my pre-playoff game ritual of cowering in a fetal position hugging my Steve Yzerman jersey and 2008 rally rag like security blankets. I'm tossing around the idea of pulling out all of the considerable amount of Red Wings clothing items I own and burying myself in them until game time. I understand that this is pathetic; that it's not normal. But it is what it is, and it's the only thing that gets me through the day during the playoffs.

A Piss Poor Day in My LIfe...

So today was miserable. It was filled with leftover angst from Game 4, ridiculous amounts of personal drama, and the lurking sense of dread that accompanies every must-win playoff game. On top of that, I'm probably going to be missing the first half of Game 5, so I've already warned my boss that I'm going to be curled up in the breakroom in a fetal position for the last hour or so of work.

I was planning on going through the lineup calling out all of the Wings who have been under-performing, but quite frankly, I don't have the time. Plus, I don't want it to sound like I'm turning my back on my boys. Depending on how Game 5 goes, maybe I'll be forced to revisit the idea during the extra day off.

I forced myself to read all of the coverage on the several websites that I read. I even made it through the Pens Blog, although that was much easier because they don't seem to be fond of using words. This was an example of one of the many masochistic tendencies that I've picked up over the years as a Wings fan. No matter how much it hurts, I'm drawn to it. Like an insect to a bug-zapper lamp. Or the way you can't help but stare at roadkill. I didn't finish my daily hockey reading until about five minutes ago, thanks to work and a heavy dose of roommate conflicts today. Now that I'm done, I'm thoroughly depressed. I realize that this is pathetic, but it comes with the territory. And you know that. You're the same way. Otherwise you would settle for skimming the sports section and wouldn't be caught within the blast radius of my suddenly violently angry hockey blog.

Babcock says Datsyuk will be in for Game 5. Bingo Bango says that's a lie. I don't know what to believe. I'm choosing not to think about it so that I can make it through ten hours of work tomorrow.

Also according to Bingo Bango, the Tigers are jinxing the Wings. I'm not much of a believer in these kinds of things, but at this point, I'm going to be avoiding anyone with knowledge of the Tigers' score like they have swine flu.

There is one, and only one, glimmer of hope right now. And it is that the Wings have yet to play well. This sounds completely contradictory and nonsensical, I know, but let me explain. They've played like crap for the most part, but still find themselves tied 2-2. So now it's a new series, sort of. And they have the opportunity to turn it around. We'll see if they've got the kind of character we all think they do. It's terrible that they wasted the lead they built in Games 1 and 2, but they're still halfway through the series.

I don't buy the stuff about the Wings being too tired at the end of Game 4. I just think that they checked out somewhere around the mid-point of the game, and thus looked like they couldn't have won a game in a nursing home broomball league.

I'm also not a big believer in game-to-game momentum. Within a game itself, there is most definitely momentum. And it's fairly obvious (or at least I think so, but it could just be that I'm a hockey snob) which team is dominating. But I've never been one to believe that that kind of thing carries over. Anger might, but momentum is the kind of thing that has to be established from the beginning of the game. And it can change on a dime, which is what makes hockey so addicting and also so frustrating. It's why you could walk on air when the Wings win, and vow to never watch another second of hockey in your life when they lose. You know you'll be back, even if it kills you.

What the Wings really need is for their scorers to show up for Game 5. Goals by Darren Helm and Jonny E are fun to talk about and make for a great story-line, but when your back is against the wall, it's time for the big guns to step up and earn their paychecks.

The long story short is that the Wings have the Stanley Cup within their reach. They have it within their power to stick it to Gary Bettman and cement their claim to a dynasty. Whether or not they do so is entirely up to them. If they roll over and die again like they did in Game 4, the series is over and I'll be forced to spend the entirety of next season throwing up in my mouth every thirty seconds when they run a Sidney-Crosby-holding-the-Cup commercial. But if they show up to play like the unstoppable red machine that they are, well, maybe, just maybe, I'll be partying in Hart Plaza again this year.

So tomorrow, I'll wake up and go to work, like I always do. The good news is that I only have a week left at this job, so even if my co-workers think I'm a raving lunatic, it won't matter for long. I'll spend all of my down-time and probably some a significant portion of my busy time desperately attempting to cut a deal with the Hockey Gods. I'll probably swear a lot, because that's what I do when I'm stressed out. And if I'm lucky, I'll get home before the game. It worked last Saturday. But most likely, I'll be standing in front of the TV mesmerized and completely neglecting my job.

And for now...Hockey Gods, if you're listening, just about anything is up for grabs. My car, my Scotty Bowman bobblehead, my soul, my rally rag/security blanket from last year. My Steve Yzerman jersey stays with me, but you're free to claim dibs on my firstborn child, if you're interested.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Dangle Dangle Me Tonight...

There wasn't a whole lot going on today. It sounds more and more like Datsyuk is going to be playing in Game 4. Going into Game 3, I figured we'd be a lot more likely to see Dangle Dangle if the Wings lost than if they won. Sure enough, they lost, so here we are. Whether or not it has anything to do with the fact that this is a potential series-tying game is probably not something I'm meant to know.

At any rate, it made me irrationally happy for approximately thirty seconds before I managed to suppress the feeling lest my hopes get too high. Being a Wings fan for all of these years has given me an almost super-power like ability to destroy my own hopes and crush my soul. So it's nice to see that it comes in handy from time to time. It's just that I find it less emotionally distressing to prevent my hopes from ever getting to high so that I don't have to deal with the paralyzing pain that occurs when they all come crashing down. This also possibly explains why I'm still single, but that's neither here nor there.

Also, in case you didn't know, Pavel Datsyuk's hilarious. Seriously. But you knew that already because you've seen this. Today's installment of Pavel Datsyuk's Comedy Hour is courtesy of Puck Daddy.
Datsyuk on having to sit out: "Oh, I tell you, this is not fun to watch. I take in lots of beer."
Datsyuk on whether he might play wing in Game 4: "I think at wing, center, defenseman, I want to play so bad."
Datsyuk on how long he'd like to play in Game 4: "The game is 60 minutes. I hope to play 60 minutes. But we make a decision tomorrow morning."
When I read the first quote, I had a mental image of him and Chelios making a drinking game where they chugged beers every time the Wings turned the puck over. The poor man's foot has probably been healed since Saturday. He's just been recovering from Game 1's hangover.

I've been reading "opposition" blogs for every round of the playoffs this year, and I have to say, The Pens Blog is by far the worst I've come across. I genuinely enjoyed reading Chicago's blogs, and even Anaheim's bloggers managed to not make me angry. But The Pens Blog is an entirely different story. I don't know if it's the stupid photoshops or their inability to compose paragraphs, but it feels like it's being written by fourth graders. I know it's a stupid thing to complain about, but seriously. It's pathetic.

I don't need to say that Game 4 is a must-win. You know it. The Pens know it. The Wings know it. If the boys show up to play, then there's the possibility that I'll be smiling Friday morning. If not, then I'll be frightening my co-workers even more than I did on Tuesday night. I have the day off tomorrow. Thank the Hockey Gods for that. Because, let's face it, I'm going to be useless tomorrow. And if you're a big enough fan to be trolling Wings blogs, then you know exactly what I mean. Enough said.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Random Thoughts...

I've heard reports today saying that Lidstrom's going to be in the lineup for Game 1. Thank the Hockey Gods or sweet baby Jesus or even Zeus if you feel the need. Datsyuk sounds less likely, but a girl can dream, right? I was planning to write a better preview, but real life gets in the way sometimes and I don't have as much time as I would like. Therefore, I leave you with a few bullet points:

-I've been reading "opposition" blogs since the beginning of the playoffs, and I have to say that the Pens Blog is one of the most obnoxious things I've seen. Not even Anaheim's bloggers reached that level of idiocy and tastelessness. Chicago's blogs were actually enjoyable, BTW. I guess I just can't fathom a bunch of people finding a nearly fatal car accident funny, no matter who the victim was.
-I steadfastly refuse to make predictions. I have never done so before, and I never, ever will.
-A2Y is stressing me out with promises of great revelations; and Bingo Bango is dangling hints of inside sources and top secret injury info.
-Puck Daddy pointed out that so far in the playoffs, the Pens have eliminated, in chronological order, the Wings' Finals opponents from their previous three championships: Philly, Washington, and Carolina. The only vanquished opponent left? Sidney Crosby and his little posse. I'm not a big believer in coincidence, but this is the kind of thing that reinforces my belief in the Hockey Gods.
-While complaining about the pathetic state of the NHL, I asked myself why I had chosen to love what is quite possibly the worst-run professional sports league in the world. Then I realized that I hadn't chosen to love it. I was destined. I was selected by the Hockey Gods to fall in love with this sport, and if that means putting up with eight kinds of bull year after year, then so be it. Here I am, Gary Bettman, and I'm not going anywhere. At this point in my discourse my mom rolled down the car window and started yelling for help.
-I'll be spending the next 24 hours or so in various stages of meltdown as I alternate between pleading with the Hockey Gods (my firstborn child is still up for grabs, fellas...) and attempting to heal Pavel Datsyuk's foot using only my brainpower and positive vibes. We'll see how that goes.

I wish I had more, but I'm running out of time, and my brain isn't exactly functioning well at this point. This is ten times worse than last year was. The good news is that starting this blog has been incredibly cathartic, despite the fact that I'm pretty sure only one person reads it. There were games in the second round that would've killed me if not for having this venue in which to rant and rave.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

In Which I Reacquaint Myself With Hatred...

I had a few pleasant hours last night during which I relished the Wings' victory over the Hawks, and my ability to dress completely head-to-toe in Wings gear when I visit their fine city next month. However, when I woke up this morning, it was right back into my traditional playoff cycle of high blood pressure, ulcers, and nervous ticks.

I wish I could say that I took as much satisfaction from beating the Hawks as I did from beating the Ducks, but honestly, the second round felt better. As much as I'm looking forward to heading to Chicago draped in my multitude of Red Wings shirts (I may even layer them, depending on the outcome of this most important series), I don't really feel that great sense of accomplishment that I did after the Wings sent the Ducks packing. The Hawks put up more of a fight than I expected, but they never made me angry. They never made me hate them. They never made me want the Wings to destroy them just so I could watch them cry. It was an easy, low-key lull leading up to the Big Show that starts on Saturday. There's something about even-numbered series that gives me night terrors. Maybe that's why I've always preferred odd numbers.

All of that temporarily dormant vitriol is starting to boil up to the surface now that another showdown with Sidney Crosby is imminent. If the thought of having to look at Gary Bettman's Little Buddy's face for hours on end while the media drools all over him didn't start the hate vibes flowing, check this post out from The Pens Blog. Classy, folks, classy. There are few things I would love more in this world than to see Vladdie completely annihilate Crosby as he skates through center ice. Alas, due to cruel twists of fate, that will never happen. Maybe we'll have to settle for a Kronner special. *fingers crossed* As a big believer in the Hockey Gods, I can only hope for some form of karmic retribution for that low-down, tasteless attack on a former hockey player whose life was almost taken in a needless car accident.

The one thing that's keeping me from hyperventilating right now is the box scores I pulled up from last year's Finals (yes, in a radical change of pace, I decided to actually do some research instead of making things up in my head.). The Penguins scored ten goals in that series. Guess how many a certain pricey trade-deadline acquisition of theirs was involved in? Seven. That's right. Seven out of ten. It was that same man who sent the puck trickling through Ozzie's crease in the waning moments of Game 6. That man? Marian Hossa. His current team? The Detroit Red Wings.

This is big-time moment of truth for Hossa. He's been offensively dormant for most of the playoffs, except for Game 4s (If he's so enraptured with the number 4, why doesn't he just throw it on the back of his jersey? Seriously.) , but if he's ever going to make a statement, now's the time. Back in the summer, he said, "When I compared the two teams, I felt like I would have a little better of a chance to win the Cup in Detroit." Well, sunshine, now's your chance. Go out and prove yourself right. And if that path to prophetic fulfillment just happens to leave tread marks over Sidney Crosby's greasy little face? So much the better. The bottom line is that without Hossa's production in the Finals last year, the series wouldn't even have been close. And as far as I can tell, the Penguins haven't added a whole lot of scoring talent to replace him.

Instead, they're relying on Crosby and Malkin to shoulder the load offensively. I'd be an idiot if I said that the roll the two of them are on didn't scare me, but beyond their two stars, I just don't see a whole lot of secondary scoring. Even if the Wings have to "cancel out" their top two lines defending Crosby and Malkin, I like their odds in a battle of third and fourth lines. I've said it ten million times over the course of my fandom, but the Wings bottom lines just can't be matched by anyone else in the league. Also, I keep mentally replaying this (well the part after the hit. How is it that that epic PK hasn't made its way onto youtube?) in my head in order to calm my nerves.

A lot will depend on Zetterberg's ability to own Crosby again. Last year in the finals, Sid the Kid spent most of the time whining while Z had his way with him en route to hoisting both the Stanley Cup and the Conn Smythe Trophy. If he can work his magic again this time around, I like the Wings' chances.

I'm more than slightly concerned about the scheduling of the Finals and the whole 3 games in 4 days thing (and also the fact that I'm going to be missing part or all of each of said three games). I'm not willing to cry conspiracy about it so much as complete and utter incompetence. No other professional sporting league would allow TV networks to boss it around when scheduling its championship series. That being said, the quick turnaround and condensed scheduling would seem to favor the Pens in light of the Wings' injury situation. (I still maintain that this rash of injuries is the Hockey Gods' retribution for Drew Sharp's obnoxious headline after Game 2.) I was an adamant opponent of the proposed June 5th start date from the first moment I heard about it, but now it's sounding better and better. This is probably much better for the sport, but I can honestly say that at this point, I don't care what's good for the NHL. I'm not in this to watch quality back-and-forth hockey, with tight games and beautiful displays of skill (unless my boys are the ones doing the dangling and sniping). I can't handle that kind of stress. As much as I'm a fan of the game (read: not the NHL), I'm a fan of the Wings first and foremost. And nothing Gary Bettman can do will ever convince me that he's not an incompetent fool who is bent on destroying hockey.

At this point in the season, though, I'm not entirely sure that Bettman is in control of his own actions. I'm not convinced that he's able to form complete sentences now that his Little Buddy is in the Finals again. He thought his two-week long ecstasy of a conference semi-finals series was incredible, but now that his Buddy is only four wins away from the Cup, he has to be out of his mind.

Everybody seems to be counting the Wings out. I don't know if this is because from watching NHL marketing campaigns, you would never know that the defending Stanley Cup Champions even existed. It's also possible that the commentators have been brainwashed by Bettman's obsessive need to shove Crosby's face down all of our throats. Whatever the reason, it's pretty much universally agreed that the ice is tilted in Pittsburgh's favor this time around. The only people who believe Detroit has a chance are wearing the Winged Wheel--on the ice or in the stands. It's OK. We're used to this. Every year, series after series, people doubt the Wings talent and drive. People predicted that Columbus would overwhelm the sleepy Wings with their playoff virgin excitement. They said that Anaheim would grind the soft Wings down with their physical play. They said that Chicago would outgun the slow Wings with their youthful exuberance. But guess what? The Wings answered the call every time. What's really remarkable is how different each series has been so far. That speaks almost as much to the Wings' resilience as overcoming all of the injuries toward the end of the third round. To this point, they've shown that they can play any style of hockey that's needed. And that only bodes well for them in the Finals.

This entry sounds much more positive than I intended to make it. The truth is I'm terrified. Losing this round would be a slap to the face so bad that my future children would be born with handprints on their cheeks. Sidney Crosby is a very good player, and I fully expect him to get his Bettman-annointed hands on the Cup some day. But to have his triumph come at the expense of my boys is just too much for me to handle.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Is It Too Late to Re-open Rookie of the Year Voting?...

This game began with me nearly vomiting all over my dog. Finding out that Big E wouldn't be playing due to appendicitis just about sent me over the edge. It was worse than having the Lidstrom bomb dropped on me before Game 4, but only because Lidstrom was also out.

Then, the Wings spent the entire first period on the powerplay. Or rather, they looked like they were on the powerplay. I've never seen anything quite like it before. It was a beautiful thing to watch. Even though they had nothing to show for it on the scoreboard, it had to pay dividends late in the third and in OT just for the light load it placed on their defensemen. Seriously though, I was mocking Huet and his French-ness (apparently France has an Olympic hockey team. Who knew?), but he absolutely STOLE the first period. In fact, he almost stole the game. I was starting to wonder if The Chief's post over at Abel to Yzerman had caused the Hockey Gods to instill him with some sort of inexplicable brilliance. His save on Franzen at the end of regulation left me with my mouth hanging open, which wouldn't have been a problem except for the fact that my dog chose that moment to lick my face. Best believe that snapped me back to my senses quickly.

Possibly my only problem with the first period, other than that big fat zero on the scoreboard, was the fact that the Versus announcer kept saying things like, "he finessed the puck over." He must've used that phrase 100 times in the first twenty minutes. I think I would've stabbed myself in the ear with a spork if it hadn't been for that intermission. Not that I spent the first intermission with rainbows and unicorns dancing in my head or anything, but it's possible that it saved my life. I mostly paced nervously and scared my brother's friend with my intensity. There's a nasty lingering stench about Game 5s from last year, although to be fair, the boys have been dominant in both that they've played this season.

I don't have a lot of time to recap on account of needing to wake up ridiculously early tomorrow, but I have to talk about Darren Helm. I was planning on writing about him just for that epic penalty kill where he single-handedly cycled the puck deep in Chicago's end, got a shot on net, grabbed his own rebound, and then killed off some more time. Beautiful. And then netting the goal in OT? This guy's got a great future. Someone on the live blog over at A2Y mentioned that he's now the all-time leader for most playoff goals scored before netting one in the regular season. And the goal that put him over the top for that? The Western Conference Finals series clincher in OT. Don't forget his beautiful breakaway goal in Game 7, either. This kid shows up to play in the big games, and that's exactly why Babcock has had him in the lineup since the beginning.

Gotta love Dan Cleary's redirection to finally break the seal. For all of their skill and "finesse" passing, the Wings score a lot of goals that look just like that.

And what about Chris Osgood? The man played the game of his life tonight. If he stays in form like that in the Finals, and there's no reason to think he won't, you have to like the Wings' chances. I've been an Ozzie lover since the beginning, and nothing makes me happier than shoving this game down the throats of everyone who spent the entire regular season ripping on him. I don't care the regular season, so long as it results in a playoff berth. It's utterly meaningless in my opinion. All Chris Osgood does is win playoff games. Early in the second period when the Blackhawks woke up and discovered that they were, in fact, involved in a hockey game, it was Ozzie who kept the Wings in the game. He made save after big-time save, and if you ask more of a goalie, you're a fool.

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention two other guys: Brad Stuart and Kirk Maltby. Maltby played his best game of the season, by far, and Stuie stepped up big time on the PK. Bravo, sunshines!

I said it after Game 4, and I'll say it a thousand more times. No other organization in the NHL, or possibly all of sportsdom (yes, sometimes I make up words), could lose the caliber of talent the Wings had sitting in the press box tonight and still clinch a series. That's not to say that I didn't throw up in my mouth a little every time Chelios and Meech were on the ice. I didn't notice much of Meech, but Cheli made a couple of plays that were nearly disastrous.

And *drumroll, please* the boys managed to NOT give up a powerplay goal tonight! Granted, they did a pretty good job of staying out of the box, but still, it's something to build on for the Finals. And then there was Darren Helm, who I've already discussed. Ownage!

I also liked the look on Z's face when he was like, "I'm not touching that," with the trophy. He looked at the guy presenting it like he was a moron for even suggesting it. I was also amused by the big deal ESPN made about the Pens' decision to touch the Prince of Wales trophy. Hockey has to fight tooth and nail to get mainstream coverage most of the time, and there's a big Game 5 going on later and ESPN runs a history of the decision to touch the conference trophy? Seriously? I guess we'll see which strategy works out better.

More on the rematch, or as I like to call it, the re-ownage of Sidney Crosby. You have to imagine it's gut-check time for Marian Hossa. I'd like nothing more than to see him absolutely light it up in the Finals just to prove himself right. Especially since it seems like every other Wings player is injured.

PS. Dare I say it's time to bust out The Zetterberg Song? Or at least the end of it.